I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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