shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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