I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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