remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I need a beard to bite.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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