Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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