In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize