To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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