Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
