i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
whose parrot is this?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
