Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
