Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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