Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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