Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
