i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
