I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
