we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize