The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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