I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
