That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
high people should be assigned attendants
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize