ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
