U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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