kristin has been a bad kristin
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
