oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize