I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
