I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
