i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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