Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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