Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
