Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
