Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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