I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
