He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So vagazzling was a success
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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