It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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