as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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