So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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