Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
