I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize