I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
