either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
