YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
