Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize