mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
