Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
