i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
