I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
