ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
