so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You smell like stripper and shame
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
