It's Friday. Sex?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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