i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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