Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
