New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
