Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
