I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
