i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
