Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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