Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize