this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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