that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
