u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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