The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
