maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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