I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Randomize
