Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
