man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
