Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
