My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
