You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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