i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My ATM looks so different sober.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
