So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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