do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
