My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
