I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
