I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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