She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
