I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
