Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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