im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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