so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize